The Voice In My Head

So, it has been decided that my author wife is rubbing off on me. Since I made that comment a few days back about smelling the stale beer coming up from the sidewalk, I've had the voice of a hard-boiled detective going around in my head. And, as if often the case with Journey when characters are talking in her head, this will keeping going on until I put it down on paper - or in this case, on screen. So here we go (and please remember, most of my writing is non-fiction or personal rants, so this kind of thing is not exactly my forte).

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It was one of those mornings that just makes you wish you had never bothered getting out of bed. Or, it would have been if you had ever actually made to your bed instead of passing out on top of the desk in your office with a mostly empty glass and an even emptier bottle of whiskey right beside you. I probably wouldn't have bothered waking up at all if it weren't for that damned phone and the voice on the other end.

"The Commissioner wants you down at 1st and Jefferson. Now." Detective Michael Bennett - the asshole.

"Mrph - why? What doya need me fer? I quit the force and went freelance. 'member?"

"Look, if it were up to me, the only contact you'd have with the Department would be when we haul your sorry drunk ass out of the gutter and throw it in a cell for the night. But it's not up to me, and it's not up to you either. Just get here." Like I said, an asshole. Must be bad though; usually he takes the time to enjoy telling me just how worthless he thinks I am. If he was distracted to the point that he kept it to a single "sorry drunk" reference and only threatened me with a night in the Tank, it meant that something serious had gone down last night - real serious.

Needless to say, I wasn't in the best of moods when I walked out the door. And the weather sure as shit wasn't helping. Not even eight o'clock in the morning it was already getting hot. And on top of that, it was humid, making you're clothes cling to you as soon as you walk out the door and you're sweating before you've gone half a block. It was the kind of humid that seems to make the city itself sweat and ooze. Walking past the basement dive a couple blocks from my office, you could smell years' worth of stale beer oozing out of the concrete.

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The young, rich, and trendy have always taken a certain amount of pleasure slumming - they come to those places where the hard, broke, and broken seek to hide from the rest of the world and congratulate themselves on being "real" and "average". Of course, they congratulate themselves while drinking all of whatever passes for "top shelf" in the place, all the while taking great pains to remind everyone else in the place that they're only visiting. Everyone knows that when these kids have had their fill, they'll head back to the clubs or their pricey condos in the heart of town, leaving behind the dark smoke filled corners and sullen expressions. Is really any wonder than every so often one of these yuppie spawn says or does something to get shown the door - conscious or not.

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So maybe a cliched, I know, but I had to write it down just to shut up the voice in my head. And while it's quite at the moment, I'm fairly sure it'll come back at some point and I'll have go through all this again.

No Class

I'm watching the NHL awards ceremony - and a bunch of the fuckin' Red Wings' fan are fucking booing! I'm sorry your team lost (only in a very generic sense, I'm always happy when the Red Wings lose), but this was game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. Get over it, and give the Pens the respect they deserve.

Congratulations Boys

And thank you, oh so much, for doing it over the Red Wings. Enjoy Lord Stanley's Cup, Pens, you've earned it!

Hehe

"It is wiser, before offering you mind to anyone, to make sure you have enough to spare."

From a particularly demented web comic I read.

No, This Is What I Hate

I walk to work everyday. We live less than a mile from my job, and walking is good exercise (I've dropped 40-50 pounds since moving here) so walking to work makes far more sense than driving. Normally, I don't mind the walk as it gives me a bit of time to listen to music and just let my mind wander.

Every so often, when I get into the office and am waiting for the crappy elevators, someone will make some comment to me about the weather and walking in. It's usually something along the lines of "Boy, it's a bit chilly out there, isn't it?" They say this when it's in the low- to mid-50s. No, see, low- to mid-50s is perfect for walking to work. I walk fast enough that the cooler temperatures are really very nice.

It's days like today that I hate walking in. It was already in the high-60s, approaching 70, and was 98% humidity when I left the house. That sucks!

Yeah, I'll admit that walking in when it's below zero and windy isn't exactly a joy either, but in some ways I prefer that to days like this. At least one the really cold days, you're bundled up and you warm up as you move. Today, the only way to make it more bearable to be outside would have been to strip down completely - unfortunately, there are those annoying "public decency" laws. Thankfully, I followed through with my promise from a couple weeks back and actually did get a hair cut, so I don't have to worry about looking like someone from a 1970s disco. Unfortunately, that's not the only problem with humidity - there's also the whole showing up to work sweaty thing.

The Joys of Humidity

This is the first time in a very long time that I've lived someplace which actually has humidity on any kind of regular basis. Previously, I was living in Arizona, which if you've ever been there you know is barely even aware that there is such a thing as "humidity." And prior to that, I lived in Colorado, which is aware of humidity, but usually keeps it at arm's length the majority of the time. And, yeah, before being in Colorado I was in Hawai'i and Seattle, which are admittedly very familiar with it, but I was a real little kid then and didn't really pay attention to that kind of thing, so that doesn't really count.

Now, however, I'm getting used to living someplace with humidity. This is important and noticeable in a few different ways. First, the sticking of wooden doors. Doors which normally open and close without a problem currently require a sledgehammer-sized rubber mallet to operate. There's also the fact that breathing is somewhat akin to trying to breath through a wet rag. Breathing through a wet rag might be useful in a fire, but not so good when your walking the mile home at a pretty good pace. And let's not forget my favorite sign of humidity - my head looking like I'm from the 1970s and have just gotten a perm. Normally, my hair is very straight; when there's humidity, however, that changes. It's especially bad when I haven't gotten my hair cut in a while and it's a little long - like it is right now. You ever seen "That '70s Show"? Yeah, I kind of look like I could be an extra on it right now.

I am getting a hair cut tomorrow . . . even if I have to do it myself with my jack-knife.

That Explains A Lot

I knew there had be an explanation.

Crapé

There are these commercials right now of McDonald's new McCafé. If you haven't seen these, it shows people doing various activities which aren't exactly considered "fun." Things like ironing or washing the car. The voice over says what the person is doing - for example "chore". Then the person drinks one of these new trendy coffee things that McD's is offering, called a "McCafé". They add the "aye" like in café, and magically, things become far better. So "chore" becomes "choré" and it's no longer a pain in the ass but something you would forgo sex to take part in. All because of a McCafé!

These are really fucking annoying. And pretentious - really fucking pretentious. The implication is that McD's coffees are somehow better than others; and you know this because it has an accented "e". Do they seriously think people are going to think "Well, I normally wouldn't have an iced coffee from McDonalds, but you know, it's 'McCafé' so it has to be something special."

It the same kind of mentality which originally prompted places like Star-fucks to start calling their drinks things like "tall," "grande," and "venti". Naturally, I'm not the first to rant of this particular piece of idiocy - check out one of my favorite Foamy rants. At least I know I'm not the only person out there who realizes that this kind of pseudo-intellectually crap is just that - crap.

Not My Favorite Meeting

I sometimes hate dealing with people who simply cannot move on from things. Obviously, there are somethings in life which are so life-changing that moving on isn't an easy thing. But in this case, I'm talking about everyday failures and disappointments. I was in a meeting today which was focused on developing and refining a management plan for a particular collection of heritage related sites and programs in the area. And one of the people went off on a 15 or 20 moan-fest about how it was never going to work in their town because a past government administration had done some stupid shit.

I wanted to say "Are you fucking kidding me?!?" You're honestly saying that your present government administration isn't going to support this because a past one didn't, and so it's not even worth trying? Yes, government administrations do some dumb shit and they make mistakes. But to refuse to even consider trying this plan because something similar - similar, not the same - had been axed about 10 years ago is just being a whiny little bitch.

I really doesn't do any good to just bemoan the failures of the past. Remember them, learn from them, but don't just sit there and whine about it. Situations change, people come and go, and you need to shift with those changes. To do otherwise is to throw your hands up and embrace defeat without ever even walking onto the field.

On a similar note, I hate trying to deal with people who are only going to hear what they have already convinced themselves of. Yeah, had one of those at this same meeting.

Just to back up a little, one of the things this particular management plan we're working on seeks to do is provide a group of themes, each with various subthemes, upon which individual communities can tell their stories. The consultants who have been developing this management plan evaluated the various communities and have provided recommendations on which theme is the strongest in each community. Community A has a particularly rich history in Theme 1, while community B is strongest in Theme 3, and community C is strongest in Theme 2, etc. Pretty straight forward, right? Of course, each of these communities also has stories to tell in each of the other themes, but they are particularly strong in one, or maybe two, specific themes.

Well this person heard all of this as "Because A is strongest in 1, A and only A will be telling the stories related to Theme 1, and they will only tell stories from Theme 1." They were convinced that this was the case, even after the consultants explaining several times that just because C was strongest in Theme 2 they couldn't (or shouldn't) tell stories related to other themes; and likewise, just because A was strongest in Theme 1 that other communities couldn't tell those stories.

I was watching other people around the table as the consultants tried to explain this, and it was clear that everyone else got this, but this particular person could not let go of what they had already convinced themselves of. I even jumped in and tried to help explain it - didn't work - and only received a "how can you be so young and stupid" look from the person in question. Yes, I'm quite a bit younger that them, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. I'm actually quite intelligent (a few notable occasions aside, I will admit), and I happen to be very good at grasping organizational frameworks, which is essentially what these themes are intended to be - a way of organizing the management of a particular community's heritage resources.

What it really comes down to is this person had decided that they needed to "save" us from making some horrible mistake and then couldn't get beyond the idea that we were the ones in the wrong. They never stopped to consider that they might be wrong in their understanding of the situation. Had they done so, they might have been able to actually listen to what was being said. But we all know those who are the most zealous are the ones least likely to listen.

New Book

I started a new book today - Storm Front, by Jim Butcher. It's one of the Dresden File books. I don't know if you've heard of this series before, but they actually turned it into a SciFi channel show a few years back. Didn't last too long, but there it is. Anyway, I enjoyed the show and when I saw one of the books on the library shelf, I decided to give them a try. And I think I'm going to like them. Here's a couple of quotes from the first few chapters:

"Science, the largest religion of the twentieth century, had become somewhat tarnished by images of exploding space shuttles, crack babies, and a generation of complacent Americans who had allowed the television to raise their children. People were looking for something - I think they just don't know what."

"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."

"I shook my head, bewildered. They say we wizards are subtle. But you believe you me, we've got nothing, nothing at all, on women."

Definition of Irony

I was just messing around Addicting Games.com. They currently have Pandemic 2, which given the current Swine Flu situation, is highly ironic to begin with.

Not that that didn't stop me from playing the game (I thoroughly enjoyed the first one and actually managed to kill everyone in the world as a virus!). No, the really irony was the ad that ran before the game. Lysol disinfectant.

Pot, Kettle. Kettle, Pot.

From CNN.com: "RNC chairman Michael Steele issued the following statement regarding filling Justice Souter's seat on the Supreme Court:

'President Obama campaigned as a moderate yet he and Congressional Democrats are pushing our nation further and faster to the left than voters bargained for.

The next Supreme Court justice will hold a lifetime appointment, and the president should take his time and search for a nominee whose legal views are consistent with and reflective of mainstream America. He should not use this as an opportunity to impose his liberal legacy on America or give political payback to the far left of his party by nominating someone who makes judicial decisions through an ideological rather than legal lens.

Republicans will reserve judgment until the president makes an appointment.'"

Really, Mr Steele? What's that saying about glass houses and trowing rocks? Despite the fact that Justice Souter only announced today that he's going to step down in a few months, you're already accusing the President of trying to appoint someone to "impose a liberal legacy" or "give political pay back to the far left of his party." Funny, two of the reasons Mr. Bush picked Samuel Alito was specifically because he would swing the Court further Right and appease the far Right after the whole Harriet Miers fiasco.

As for making "judicial decisions through an ideological rather than legal lens," what do think Antonin Scalia has been doing for the last nearly quarter century?

If you're really going to do what you say and reserve comment until you know who Mr. Obama is actually, shut up already!

No, You're Not Special

One of the most frustrating parts of my job is dealing with people who feel they should be an exception to the rules. Or worse, assume the rules were put in place specifically to inconvenience them and them alone. The first become indigent when you say "no" and the second often become zealous and demand to be treated special.

I am very well aware of the fact that the business of government has the potential to be annoying and tiresome. There's red tape on the red tape, so to speak. Things don't happen as quickly or smoothly as it seems they should, and there are often a lot of forms and paperwork to filled out for what otherwise might be a simple task. Believe me, I know - I often have to deal with some of those forms and I have plenty of paperwork to complete myself. Unfortunately, much of this red tape is necessary to help ensure a level playing field. In many ways, a lot of what we do in government is about trying our damnedest to make sure that things are as much the same from one case to the next. Yes, things change over time and details will vary, but the idea is make is so each person has as equal a chance as possible. That's why there are so many rules and regulations.

But there are people out there who simple can't or won't try to understand this fact. They want what they want and they want it now! And damnit, it's your job as a public servant to make sure that it happens right away! I often want to look at these people and say, quite calmly, "I'm sorry you fucked up and didn't start this process sooner, but it's not my fault you have the all personality and ability for rational thought of a crack-adled chihuahua on PCP." I will do what I can, but this job is one of those where the old adage it true: a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Naturally, these people aren't just this way with those of us who work in government. They have this same additude in any situation where someone else is doing something for them. Cashiers, folks in retail, wait-staff, doesn't matter. Basically, if the job includes the words "customer" and "service" in any form, these people will pull this crap. I've seen (and experienced) it time and again. It's like these people replace the work "service" with "slave." You are to be at their beck and call, to give them anything they want right away, without question. And heaven help you if you happen to be in their line of sight when a mistake happens.

Personally, I think it should be manditory for everyone to have a customer service job at some point relatively early on in their lives. And I don't mean a job at some upscale, posh place where staff are expected to act superior to everyone around them (you know the places and people I'm talking about). No, I mean a job at someplace like a convenience store, a regular restaraunt (greasy-spoon would be best), a big-box store (but probably not a computer one, too much of a culture where staff are supposed to be supieror to the customers), or some kind of enterianment venue - movie theater, amusement park, etc.

Believe me, after a few months working in one of these jobs, you'll gain a whole new appreciation for what "customer service" really means.

Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out!

At long last, one of my greatest complaints agianst pro football is going away. Yes, that's right, that pompous, drivel-spouting annoyance, John Madden, is retiring! For years, I have railed against Madden - I have even had posts with titles such as "Fuckin' John Madden".

I'm reasonably sure that Madden isn't force of evil or anything like that (although, one can never be completely sure). And I am willing to acknowledge that he has played an important role in the world of American Football. But this doesn't excuse the fact that a great deal of what he said as a "color commentator" was pure and utter shit. He would constantly be either stating the completely obvious ("If the quaterback overthrows his receiver, it's going be hard for the guy to catch it.") or going off on these long, nearly unintellegible rants on a particular play. And many of these rants included the over-use of the "screen pen" which resulted in the screen being covered with little yellow arrows and lines and X's and circles. By the time he done with pen and rant, another two or three plays could have happened while you're stuck looking at screen which has more yellow lines than green grass.

I've often wondered how Al Michaels has been able to go so many years without taking one of his golf clubs to the back of Madden's head.

Here's the CNN announcement.

Why Didn't You Fucking Tell Me This Sooner?!?

I fucking hate when fucking idiots don't give me all the fucking information the first fucking time!

Yes, I'm a little pissed off at the moment.

I had someone one stop by my office today about one of the major projects we have going on right now. She asked me about how I was going about my part of the project. I informed her that I was doing exactly what she told I was supposed to be doing. She stops and says, "Oh. No, I'm sorry, you need to be doing this instead."

She had this information right from the very beginning! Instead of giving me that information (which is slightly different from the way this particular part of the project is usually done) at the time, she said go about it in the usual way. So I did! Now, I've done a bunch of extra work which I didn't need to!

. . .

Luckily, the not-so-usual way things are to be done this time is not too hard to do. But the point is that because she couldn't take the time to give me all the information (which could have been accomplished by emailing me a single document!), I now have a bunch of extra work which could have easily been avoided. I hate when people do this kind of shit!

On The Subject Of . . .

. . . being a bastard, I recently came across a new webcomic. Appropriately enough, it's actually called "On the Subject Of" - it's a simple one panel comic, which usually aren't interesting enough for me to bother with. This one, however, focuses on an angry midget of indeterminate age, who goes off on various things which annoy and/or bother him. The most recent, on what he calls "Vegemarians," especially amuses me. See it here.

At Least I'm Not The Only One

I just did a hit check on my blog. One of the things that I look at every now and then is the word hits that are triggering the most often. Despite my lack of reliable updates - which I keep meaning to improve, I swear! - I'm still getting hits (if not visits) on a regular basis.

Of particular amusement to me at the moment, the words which are triggering the most hits in the past few weeks are "hate" and "clip art." It seams that I'm not the only person with an undying hatred of clip art. And frankly, this is a good thing. The more of us who hate it, the less likely other people will quit using it.

Just as a side note, the other phrases which triggers a lot of hits are "being a bastard" and "driving in Phoenix." My posts on three these topics have accounted for maybe a third of my overall hits. Yes yes, I'm a geek and find this kind of thing interesting. Fuck off - I'm sure you've got your own little quirks!

Did You Really Just Compare Yourself to MLK Jr?

Okay - I wrote this much earlier today, and had planned on posting it when I got home. But obviously, things changed a bit with the shootings (if you haven't heard about this, you've obviously been hiding under a rock somewhere - check any major news site for the events in Binghamton, NY, or look at my post from earlier today). Anyway, here is the rant that was originally intended for today.

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I came across this story on CNN today. As a quick run-down, a woman in California is upset because her kid's school district cancelled graduation - for eighth graders! So, as a form of protest, she's encouraging people to keep their kids out of school today. Apparently, the way things work there is the school district loses money for each day a student is absent. Her idea is to cost the district as much money as possible to draw attention to this action by the school district.

Fine. I personally think it's a rather stupid to get worked up over a "graduation" ceremony for fucking eighth graders, but she has every right to be an idiot.

My problem is how she justified this. According to the article, she said, "Peaceful civil disobedience has moved mountains in this country in the past, and the kids learn about Martin Luther King each year and this is exactly the example he set." WHAT THE FUCK!?! She's comparing making a petty protest about a fucking eighth grade graduation to Dr. King's work for racial equality and civil rights? I'm sorry lady, you're not honoring Dr. King's legacy with this shit; you're cheapening it. Let's face it, if your precious little yuppie larva doesn't get to sit in a hot auditorium for an hour only to receive a little slip of paper saying "Congratulations for finishing Middle School," the world isn't going to end. They will still go to high school. It's not like they're going to be checking for eighth grade graduation certificates at the door next year at the high school.

In my opinion, lady, you're not upset at the fact that they cancelled the graduation. Your upset at the fact that you no longer will have the chance to stand on display and brag about your kid and get the chance to say "Look at me! Look at how great I am because my kid finished middle school!" If you were really concerned about the impact the lack of a graduation ceremony is going to have on you kid, get together with a bunch of your kid's friend's parents and arrange a trip for this group of friends go out to a restaurant of their choice; maybe someplace like Dave and Busters.* I'm sure if you asked the kids, they would probably prefer a Saturday afternoon playing video games and hanging out with friends over sitting in that hot auditorium.


* For those of you who haven't heard of Dave and Busters, it's kind of like Chuck E. Cheeses, only not for little kids. It has real food and better games. Oh, and after 9:00 PM, they serve alcohol.

We're Okay

If you've been watching the news today, you probably know that there has been a multiple shooting here in town. If you haven't, here's the quick rundown: Starting at about 10:30-10:45 AM, a man walked into a building where a number of people were in the process of becoming American citizens and opened fire. This took place about 4 blocks from our apartment and close to my route to work. We have just recently heard the confirmation that the shooter is dead from a self-inflicted gun shot. Including the shooter, a total of 13 people are dead and another 5 wounded. They closed down City Hall at 2:30 today and sent us all home. Both Journey and I are now home and safe and staying here.

Fuckin' Daylight Savings

I hate daylight savings. Always have. It was nice living in Arizona, where they don't do daylight savings. Yeah, it was a pain having to adjust twice a year to everyone else resetting their clocks, but I didn't have to worry about it.

Now that we're not in Arizona, we are once again part of this daylight savings crap. And it's not the losing an hour of sleep last night that annoys me. It's the fact that it's really a useless hold over that doesn't really do any good any more.

Daylight savings was useful when people were working and living based on daylight hours. Now, we work and live based on the clock. I've heard people say "Well, you know, it means you don't turn your lights on until later in the evening, which saves you money." Yes, it's true that you now won't turn on your lights until later - but your turning them on longer in the morning! Any savings you might have gained by turning the lights on later in the evening are used up by having them on in the morning as you're getting ready.

And this crap about moving even earlier in the year is just that - crap.