Thursday, July 06, 2006

Somebody Must Have Had A Very Good Time

I know that the 4th of July is supposed to be a celebration. And I accept this. There are something, however, which reveal that some people are having too good a time. Near the very top of this list is the removal and discarding of underwear in public.

Let me explain . . .

I was on my way out to work Wednesday morning (the morning after the 4th of July). It was actually raining at my apartment, so I'm walking with my head down a bit. As I approach my truck, I notice that there is . . . something . . . on the windshield. But I can't tell straight off what exactly it is. As I get closer, I realize that the "something" appears to be a black thong. When I actually get to my truck I realize that is exactly what it is. Some one has left a black thong on my truck. This is not the sort of thing I'm accustom to seeing on my truck first thing in the morning. Needless to say, this is enough of a surprise that I stand there in the rain for half a minute just staring. This prompts one of my neighbors who happens to be walking by to stop and look as well. I tell him that I don't normally expect to see a thong on my truck first thing in the morning, to which he just laughs and walks on by. I remove the article and proceed on into work.

During the drive in, I come up with three options on how it may have come to be there.

  1. My girl friend left it there as a joke when she left the afternoon before and I simply missed seeing it until the next morning. Unlikely, for reasons which will be explained below.

  2. I have a secret admirer in the apartment complex. Also possible, I guess. If I do, however, this is a little bit of a weird way of getting my attention - weird in the "maybe-I-should-start-checking-for-stalkers" way.

  3. Some one had too much to drink/smoke the night before, tossed their thong away, and the fact that it landed on my truck is just coincidence. I'm liking this option.

I said that the idea of my girl friend doing this was probably out. I say this because randomly leaving a thong on the windshield of my truck is simply not her style. Just to confirm, however, I emailed her to check. She said, "No, if I were trying to embarrass or amuse you, I'd probably pick something more visible. Or put your name on it." Now, that would be more like her style!

So, by eliminating the first two (and adding a solemn prayer against the second), I'm going with the "too much to drink/smoke" option. If I come out and find another article of clothing, however, I may have to reevaluate!

Afterthough: Maybe as a service to humanity (read: "dumbasses") I should create the "Signs You Have Had Too Much Fun" list. hmmmm......


Journey said...

Any nearby balconies? Balconies are always suspect in apartment complexes. Moreso than people making out in cars, even, because clothing may fall out of car doors, but prefers to fall down onto asphalt, rather than up onto windshields.

My boss found a pair of blue panties on the sidewalk outside our old offices, once. After a number of people had quite a good time running around asking folks if they'd left their panties there, the panties were migrated under a bush. And sat there. For weeks. I don't know what finally happened to them.

RogueHistorian said...

As a matter of fact, there are four apartments with balconies right there. I think I can eliminate two of them right off. One belongs to the neighbor I mentioned, and he's in his 60s. The other belongs to a middle-aged Asian man, his son, and his elderly mother. The last two are both rented by young ladies - so those would be definite possibilities.

Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. said...

Alcohol is just the devil's brew. That's why I'm leading a drive to repeal the 21st Amendment. Alchol leads to pre-marital fornication, and by extension, thongs on windshields.

Alchol is terrible. That's why I stick to beer.

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

JanieBelle said...

In the comments here please note two things:

1. We are in North Carolina.
2. Corporal Kate picked mine up.

It wasn't us! We SWEAR!

JanieBelle and Corporal Kate

JanieBelle said...

but if you move a little closer...