Thursday, November 08, 2007

You Must Believe

Before going any further, I will freely admit I'm a little left in my politics. I see the Republican Party as more than a little creepy and weird, favoring the pursuit for money and power over all else. I do not, however, hold any specific feelings for the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party has more than itself of nut-jobs and crazies hypocrites who specialize in running around like chickens with their heads cut off (most of Boulder, CO, for example). And I want to stress here that I am talking about the Parties, not specific people belonging to those parties!

All that being said, however, I found this most amusing this morning. I have lifted it from Propsqueen, who I'm sure won't mind me reposting it here (after all, she got it from someone else, plus if she has a problem she'll simply let me know by giving me a smack upside the head next time I see her!).

So, without further ado . . .

To Be A Republic Today You Need To Believe:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

And, yes, there are any number of posts out there which do the same thing to Democrats, but this was more amusing to me!


JanieBelle said...

Totally swiping that.

It's awesome! (and sadly, true.)


RogueHistorian said...

Swipe away! As I said, I got it from Propsqueen.

PS - glad to see you're back to posting!

JanieBelle said...

Thanks Rogue. I'm winding up slowly.

You might add Jesus is Watching You Play With Your Under-Hole to your list of Republican Truths.

Sorry, I have to work that into every conversation I can. It's just too funny to keep to myself.

JanieBelle said...

It's been swope (as amended).